Lauren's Journal

summer vacation, how i love thee.

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 16:39:16 GMT

So it's been a while since I last updated and a lot has happened.

Erin came to visit a couple of weekends ago, which was amazing. Saw "The Break Up," went shopping, hit up the Cheesecake Factory, and lots of other good stuff (MARGARITAS!). There was much bonding. She met my family and they loved each other, which was actually a bit shocking considering how overwhelming my family can be. (I tend to be a bit nervous when it comes to friends meeting the family, so I was thrilled). She joined my family and me at Kim's graduation and was there for the duration of her graduation party and then we headed over to Kate's for her graduation party. Played a little Flip Cup, which was great (although I sucked). So yea, all in all the weekend o' Erin was a great time despite not getting to go into Boston (it was fair too rainy). I have to say, it's kinda strange how quick we got so close. Not saying it's a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination - just surprising.

I started work last week. It is way better than my job last summer b/c people actually talk to me. I registered with Bullfinch Temps (MGH's own temp agency b/c it's that freaking huge). Right now they have me in Professional Staff Compensation (a division of HR) and I'm working as a receptionist. $12/hr and I actually have stuff to do and people to talk to, so I can't complain.

I had a kickass "festive gathering" last night. LOTS of liquor and a really great group of people. A few people who I haven't seen in forever came, which was ten shades of fantastic! Love my friends so much and can't wait to throw another "festive gathering."

Aleah might be coming over later to hang out, etc. We're wicked psyched because we go on the Disney trip in two weeks and that will be so freaking fun! Anyway, I'm gonna go b/c I'm already bored of writing about my dull, but still nice existence.

Home Again

Mon, 22 May 2006 16:21:06 GMT

It's been a ridiculously long time since I last updated this thing. Since I last updated, I'm home, which is fantastic. I'm too lazy to write a full fledged entry, so I'm going to give you a basic rundown:

-got my grades back - 4.0. AMAZING. Brought my GPA up to a point where I'm probably a lock for BC Law and Georgetown is a definite possibility.
-awesome bonding night with Dave last week. Little drinking and a lot of much needed conversation.
-great evening yesterday with Stef, Mark, and Crissy. Made dinner and played Mario Party. Good times.
-Saw Aleah for the first time since December on Friday. Slept over her house on Friday night. Watched some great movies and ate horrible food. Also did some browsing in Jordan's Furniture, IKEA, and the Christmas Tree Shop for the apartment. Definitely psyched about that.
-Movie night last week with Stef, Ally, Dez, and Crissy was much enjoyed.
-Mother's Day with the fam

that's all I can really think of for now.

Hmm...what else is new? Oh! I'm planning a couple of Cape house "festive gatherings." Should be good. I plan on inviting home and school friends.

All righty, well I should go prep for my job interview tomorrow. More details to come if I get it.

almost the end

Tue, 09 May 2006 04:16:38 GMT

I have an exam tomorrow. So what am I doing? Writing an entry, of course. I had two of my exams today. Both went well and as a result, I no longer care. My mind is already on vacation, but my body is still at FU.

Hm...what else can I write about? Oh yea, this weekend. I celebrated Cinco de Mayo on Friday with a bunch of people. Started out with a dinner at a mexican place in Stratford with Kate and her friend Kara. Definitely a good time. Had a margarita with dinner, which was spectacular. Only thing was that I didn't get carded which was rather dissapointing. Ah well. The night o' fun continued with a small festive gathering at Kara's townhouse. All of 87 was there along with Erin and one of her engineering friends. It was fun, but I definitely felt bad for Erin's friend, as he looked really uncomfortable and out of place. Anyway, the funny moment with Mike alone made the night. I'd go into further detail, but I don't want to detract from his most recent entry which does his tale far better justice than I could hope to. Also amusing was all of us trying to stomach Kate's concoction, which was a mixture of pretty much every liquid in the kitchen. Never a good idea, but it cleared my sinuses - always a good thing. Hmm what else was amusing? I don't know if it was as amusing for her as it was for me, but hanging out with Erin for the first time in a large group since we've become better friends. We've gotten so used to hanging out one on one that now she's "used to having me all to herself." Ah the things that booze will make you say. Definitely amusing.

I spent Saturday studying for my feminar final. I called my little bro because he got his driver's license, which is ten shades of terrifying. Definitely getting old. As usual, the entire family (with the exception of Kim) talked to me on the phone. My parents asked me about my plans and I told them that I was probably going to spend the night studying, but that Erin was trying to get me to go out with her to celebrate Lindsay's 23rd. My parents more or less told me to go out and drink because I'd "studied enough and should blow off some steam." I'm a good, doting, obedient daughter, so I obliged. I called Er when I got off the phone with the 'rentals to let her know that I'd be joining her after all, and boy am I glad that I did. We wound up going with Lindsay and a bunch of her friends to a bar in Stamford called Hula Hanks. At first the evening was kinda eh. I didn't have a whole lot of fun at first because I'm fairly shy when meeting new people. However, a few drinks later we were all having a blast. I didn't have to pay for two of my shots and my vodka/red bull, which made me infinitely happy. I had a couple of bay breeze's and even shared this drink called a fish bowl with the birthday girl. We all danced for a bit, but mainly shot the shit and got tipsy (or completely obliterated in the case of the other girls, with the exception of Erin, our DD). A couple high points included chatting about the Sox and Boston with one of the guys who was there, having a convo with Erin interrupted by a sketchy 30+ year old mexican man trying to pick me up, and witnessing Lindsay freak out about losing her new earings in the toilet.

So yea, all in all it was a good time. Enjoyable covo on the ride home, per usual.

After my exam tomorrow I'll be doing some packing and hopefully spending a bit of time with Mikey B, but we'll see. Tony D comes on Wednesday morning, so I want to get in all of my goodbyes before then. I'm sooo excited about coming home, but there's a few faces that I'm going to miss seeing every day.

As the Semester Draws to a close...

Fri, 05 May 2006 18:20:14 GMT

In an effort to put off studying for my feminar final exam, I'm writing this entry. I've spent the last few days doing nothing but write papers, which has been nothing short of annoying. I wrote my comedy paper on "Defining Comedy," for which I already got my grade back (A). Yesterday I worked on (and finished) my final sex and gender paper titled "Bisexual Visibility in Film and Television." I wound up focusing mainly on television, since there is next to nothing in terms of film and I wanted to avoid making the cliched "Basic Instinct" analysis. I had met with the professor to discuss it the other day and she wound up telling me that I should consider graduate school for English. Needless to say, she was less than pleased when I told her that my plan was "law school, actually."

It's kinda funny. Freshman year I went through a phase where I wanted nothing to do with law school. Honestly, it came mostly out of fear of accepting the inevitability of growing up. To admit that I wanted to go to law school would require the realization that the end result of that would be a CAREER. I hated commitment, so it was pretty in line with my character to wig out over it.

I think the fact that I'm so gung ho about it now is almost a testament to how much I've grown up since then. I've since looked back at my journal entries and whatnot from even a year ago and I find my immaturity appalling. To think, I thought that I was so mature and so above everyone else when the reality of the matter was that I was very, very, very immature. Even reading journal entries and reflective pieces from within the past year, all I can do is shudder and shake my head. This past semester has forced me to recognize my immaturity and the less appealing aspects of my personality which really must be remedied. For example, my worst quirk (in my opinion)is that fact that I can be overanalytical - I read way too deeply into situations and draw false meaning from them. This overanalytical-ness is great for writing papers - not so good for relationships. I think that's what I'm going to work on this summer. That, and my trust issues.

I have gotten better in terms of not letting things bother me as much. Little things don't really get to me anymore. I spent way too much time wanting everyone to like me, wanting to be everyone's best friend, which only proved detrimental to my emotional well-being and my other relationships. You can't be everything to everyone. If you try, you just spread yourself too thin and wind up being nothing to noone. Also, you can't make everybody like you. You're going to go through life and meet people who like you, dislike you, or are indifferent to you. If you spend too much time focusing on the people who don't like you, then you completely ignore the people who do. And in the end, those are the ones who matter.

Another thing I've learned this year is that the past is the past. You can't do anything about what's happened in the past, so you just need to cut your losses and move on. Shit happens, people do and say things that they will invariably regret, but at the end of the day it's in the past. If you spend too much time dwelling in the past, you miss the people, places, and things that are right in front of your face. There's nothing wrong with having a period of mourning over something bad from the past, but you can't spend your whole life dressed head to toe in black.

I've also learned that it's not worth holding grudges. I used to hold grudges like you wouldn't believe. I would carry around all of this negative energy with me, and for what purpose? Just to remind myself whom I like and don't like? That's pointless. Besides, when you hold grudges, you keep the begrudged in a certain place and time, failing to recognize the human propensity for change. People change, people grow up, people regret their mistakes. I'm at a point in my life where I can't carry those grudges with me anymore. It's just not worth it. And who knows, maybe by getting rid of these grudges, you allow yourself to not completely dismiss the person - an individual who was an enemy could become a friend. Even if they don't, does it really get you anywhere to stay angry?

I've also learned that in terms of relationships, I'm extremely lucky. Now, I'm not talking about romantic relationships (although that may obviously be applied), but rather those with friends and family. I used to have a lot of issues with my family. This comes back to my thoughts on the past - I let my past experiences dictate my present mindset, and that's not good. I didn't allow myself to accept my family as a group of people who made some mistakes, but ultimately love each other. For example, those who know me know that I have a bit of an adversarial relationship with my mother. A lot of that continued animosity was the result of my innability to forgive - I thought that it would be far more productive to stay angry. Our relationship has shifted over time, and we find ourselves getting along a lot better. However, my big revelation that it wasn't worth carrying around the anger came after my mom's recent health scare. All I could think was do I want our time together to end on a bitter note? The answer was no.

I love my whole family very much. I used to take issue with the fact that I only know one side, that my family was somehow incomplete. That's not the case though. While I only have a relationship with my father's side, they are some of the best people you will ever meet. I'm at a point where I actually look forward to family gatherings. We laugh, eat way too much food and drink wine, like an amazing italian stereotype.

I value my friendships a lot too. Elena once said that in terms of friends, it should be "quality, not quantity." I agree with that. I find myself looking at my friends more as family. I've also become a lot more open minded in terms of who I become friends with. When I met one of my newer friends, my initial reaction was to not even give her the time of day. To me she just looked like every other girl at this school who is here for her MRS. Turns out I was wrong, and she's one of the nicest, smartest people I've ever met. I made that same mistake with Amy, and we've been friends for over a year at this point. You can't close people off based on appearances. I know that it's cliche to "not judge a book by its cover," but it's so true.

Another recent development in terms of friendship has been the reaffirmation of current friendships. This past semester was an interesting one, as my two best girls at FU (Aleah and Elena, if this is the first time you've ever read this thing haha) went abroad. With Aleah in Spain and Elena in Germany and me in...Connecticut I had legitimate concerns that our relationship would be harmed. I thought that our time apart would undo all of the awesome bonding of the fall semester. As it turns out, I feel closer to them than ever before. We've all done a pretty amazing job at keeping in touch, updating each other on our lives. If we can handle being separated by the Atlantic Ocean, I think that we can handle anything. This past semester has also given me an opportunity to strengthen my friendships with people whom I have neglected. Mike and I are better than ever and I've become good friends with Katie. Amy and I reconnected on the cruise. I got randomly tight with Mike Willis. James is still James. I've become friends with Colin and Kristine. On the cruise, I met Erin, with whom I've clicked really well. I legitimately consider Deck a friend now. The debate team got randomly close and I find myself being friends with people in Alliance like Frank, Michelle, and Caitlin. I still adore Ruben, who is graduating! As is Kate...

My home friends are spectacular as well. If one even cemented my relationship with the group, it was the party they threw for me and Stef in February. I love how Dave likes taking me to his "gay parties" now and can't imagine the ones I'll be going to this summer. I've become real friends with Stef and Dez outside of a group context, which makes me so happy. Becky is still Becky - a fellow academic with whom I can wax poetic. I look at Laura and can't believe that we've been friends since kindergarten. I look at Jerry and can't believe that we remained friends after he and Dave broke up. I'm absolutely psyched about getting together with Jess for the first time in forever for some glasses of vino. I miss Carrie soooo much and this summer won't be the same without her. I really hope that she's coming to visit - I don't know what I'd do otherwise.

So yea, I guess that this semester has been a great one. I have a lot to look forward to, but for now I should study...

the light at the end of the tunnel

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 16:58:42 GMT

I haven't updated for a while. What's been going on in my life lately? Not too much aside from ridiculous amounts of work. I have had tons of papers that have kept me pretty busy along with various tests, etc. My social life has been all over the place as a result of the workload and the fact that I managed to get sick. What started off as a stuffy nose turned into a runny nose with a sore throat and an ear ache. I'm starting to recover, but still not so much with the fun.

Last night was fun. Erin and I randomly decided to go out to the mall and what was originally a simple shoe shopping expedition turned into an entire evening of shopping, Coldstone, and a movie. Definitely had a lot of fun. I love being spontaneous, so I'm always thrilled when somebody else is the same way. It's unfortunate that she's graduating and we just met, but I'll sure we'll stay in touch.

Ruben was on campus today so we got to see each other briefly. Caught up to the best of our abilities and made tentative plans for tonight. Hopefully those will work out, seeing as we haven't hung out in forever.

I'm so happy that the summer is right around the corner. I miss my friends and family and Easter just wasn't enough. I have a lot going on this summer too - my first summer of being legal, Aleah and Elena coming back (months apart, but still), the Disney trip with Aleah, lots of parties, my LSAT prep course, a possible trip to Montreal with friends from home, catching up with old friends, making new ones, and of course, work (which is so up in the air right now).

Talking about friends has reminded me of something that I wanted to talk about - an issue which not only relates to me, but also to all of my friends. I'm ridiculously non-confrontational and all of my friends seem to be the exact same way. We all let stuff bottle up and agonize over issues that could easily be resolved with a simple conversation. By not just being open and honest with each other, the small becomes big and relationships are jeopardized. This is NOT a good thing and I think that we all need to work on this. It's really immature to not just address issues and piss and moan about them behind someone else's back.

I'll use an example from my own life to drive home this point:

Mike and I got into an enormous fight last semester because we are both stubborn and sensitive. Neither of us was willing to take responsibility or took too much, which led to what could have been a fight of a few days turning into a month long tiff. However, it was eventually realized that it wasn't worth destroying our friendship over and now it's all water under the bridge.

So yea, I just thought that I should post this entry after reading Ally's. If you need to tell us (aka your friend group) something, don't be afraid - just be honest. If something is bothering you, honesty is the best policy. Bottling up your feelings will only lead to badness down the line.

I hope Mike isn't irked about me posting this, but he is an amazing example/friend, so I couldn't resist!

On a different note, I should probably get to work, given how hectic this next week will be.

keep it gay?

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 16:43:50 GMT

The past few days have been REALLY gay, starting with my gay class on Thursday. That class is always a combination of irritating and fantastic. There was one class a few weeks ago when we were discussing a book we had read called "Invisible Life" about a bisexual black man who lives a double life. Most of the people in the class started in on it, saying that bisexuality doesn't really exist and people who call themselves bisexual are sexually promiscuous, incapable of monogamy, indecisive, etc. There was this one black girl in particular who REALLY was anti-bisexuals. I wound up saying that they were stereotyping based upon the actions of certain members of the population, but what I really wanted to say was "How would you feel if I stood up and said that all black people were criminals and I lock my door at night so your kind won't steal my TV?"

But I didn't because I would have been labeled a racist. It's so absurd how some bigotry is okay while we condemn others. Like it's okay to be homophobic but not racist? All bigotry is wrong. And if I have to hear this girl piss and moan about black rights one more time, I'm gonna slap her. Seriously, there's a BLACK STUDIES PROGRAM! You have had your turn - this is the only gay class at FU. And you wanna talk about oppression? Yes, your people were enslaved and given unequal rights, but let's take a look at the record of oppression in the GLBT community:

-Holocaust - rounded up into camps, killed, tortured, experimented on, etc
-Middle Ages, Puritan times - burned at the stake
-McCarthyism - blacklisted
-Now - hate crimes, employment inequality, marriage inequality, adoption inequality, etc

So yea, bisexuals face oppression too, so kindly shut the fuck up.

That's not to say that I don't ake issue with some GLBT attitudes as well. For example, I honestly don't understand the whole "gay pride" thing. I know that the stated purpose of gay pride to to embrace that which is ascribed and to promote acceptance. The first part is what I have a major problem with - should we really be proud of ascribed characteristics? Many define pride as satisfaction with one's achievements. Being gay is as beyond one's control, and therefore, not an achievement. If I were to walk down the street and say that I had "white pride," people would assume that I'm in the KKK. If I were to walk down the street and said that I had "woman pride," people would assume that I'm a radical feminist.

That is not to say that I don't think that people should love themselves, I just think that people should be proud of their totality, the sum of all their parts, not one characteristic which is totally beyond their control.

Moving on, the past few days have also been really gay because of my final paper in the Gender & Sexuality in Film & Literature class. I've finally decided on my topic - "Bisexual Visibility in Film and Television." My thesis is essentially that bisexual visibility in film and television is limited, and the overwhelming majority of visibility which does exist is problematic in that the characters perpetuate stereotypes, rather than aiming to counteract the discrimination which exists against bisexuals. It should be interesting - I'm pretty excited about it. My professor is having me borrow her first season of "The L Word" because there are a couple of bisexual characters. Kinda weird that I'm borrowing a gay show from my professor, but still cool and very helpful.

To add on to the overwhelming gayness of the past few days, in addition to an awesome Walmart adventure, I watched "Brokeback Mountain" with Erin. She hadn't seen it yet and enjoyed it, so I'm glad we did that. Great conversation, and she wound up buying these light up heels at Walmart after I made a comment on how funny it would be if somebody actually bought them. Haha, definitely good times.

I'm meeting with Mike, Michelle, and Frank this evening to tie up some loose ends in our Diversity Grant Proposal. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here yet, but we're doing a major research project on GLBT based discrimination on the Fairfield University campus. It's a pretty ambitious undertaking, which includes surveys, a documentary, and a final report. We also have to speak on a panel at a conference in the fall. Yes, it's a lot of work, but it's definitely worth it. Nothing like it has ever been done at Fairfield before, and it's so necessary. After the cancellation of the same-sex marriage forum last spring, it became abundantly clear that there exists a great deal of homophobia at FU. It'll be a great experience and my group is fantastic, so I'm thrilled to be a part of it. On a more selfish note, it'll look great on my resume.

Well, I should probably get back to the mountains of work that I need to get done. Leave me some love on here since it's been a while.

Easter Break

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 03:24:31 GMT

So Easter Break was fantastic! I got to see a few of the people who I've so sorely missed and had a chance to rest up a little bit.

I made the drive home with Kate on Thursday which was great. Always nice to have company, especially when there's a smoothie stop involved.

I spent a few hours in Boston on Friday with Kim and Rachelle. We hit up Newbury Street to do a little shopping and pretty much walked all over Boston, which reaffirmed my love for the city and hatred for tourists. It also reaffirmed my dream of living there for a while after I graduate from law school, which would make me unbelievably happy. After we left Boston, we ate a relatively early dinner at the 99 in Wilmington. Gotta love cheap good food. I spent Friday evening with Dez and Stef in Somerville, which was enjoyable as always. We drank a little and did other stuff and then watched the Skeleton Key. The three of us don't hang out as an entity that often, so it was a rare treat.

Saturday was equally as chill. I spent the earlier part of the day doing a whole lot of nothing. I went out with my dad and little bro to pick out a new phone, since I dropped mine in the toilet at school (I kid you not). It was still kind of working, but the sound was iffy and the idea of holding something close to my face that had been dropped in somdthing used to dispose of unwanted...stuff just didn't appeal to me. Anyway, I'd had the phone for almost two years so I was eligible for an upgrade anyway. The new phone is a nice black and silver Nokia camera phone. I like how it looks, so I managed to put aside my previous disdain for camera phones and get it. I have the same number so no worries. Also went out to dinner/the mall with the godmother, which was nice, despite finding out that I probably won't have a job at Pearson this summer so I'm a little screwed. She's considering quitting and she would be my superviser, so yea, no job.

Saturday night was great. I went out to Dave's friend Jimmy's party with Dave, Dez, Sarah, and Amanda and had a good time despite not expecting to. Not really my typical crowd, but I wound up hanging out the entire night with this wicked awesome (and unfortunately for me, gay) guy who felt equally as uncomfortable. We clicked really well, and Dave was like "omg you found a Mike!" referring, of course, to Mikey B. Always good to make new friends, especially when their personalities resemble those of existing ones. Around 12:30 we started hearing grumblings about how the cops were coming soon so we decided to leave. Since we were in Haverhill, we figured hey, what the hell, why not visit Stef at her place in Bradford? We wound up hanging out until 2:30 in the morning there before heading back to Reading.

Sunday was Easter, which I spent with the fam in Natick. Great food and great conversation. A highlight was Jess and I having our picture taken in the backyard with a tree - her hugging it and me swinging an axe at it. Jess is an environmental studies major at UVM, so she's an official tree hugger and I'm a future lawyer/current capitalist, so that's why the photo was amusing. I'll probably link to it at some point.

Monday was chill. I went to see "V for Vendetta" with Stef, Dez, and Ally in the afternoon, which was AWESOME!!! Officially one of my new favorite movies. It was great, with the echoes of Orwell, and the politics, and the action, and the Natalie Portman...definitely a future DVD purchase. Everyone should run out and see it! Anyway, when I got back from the movie, I ate dinner with the fam before heading back to Fairfield.

Now I'm sitting in front of the computer, slightly regretting staring at the screen for so long because I made my headache worse.

The positive: I'M ALMOST DONE FOR THE YEAR!!!

Politics, thou art a cruel mistress...

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 17:28:07 GMT

I could write about the drama that happened at the massive party held at 87 for me on Friday, but I feel like it's been discussed to death and everyone wants to move on, so yea...

I was inducted into Pi Sigma Alpha on Saturday evening. Pi Sigma Alpha is the national political science honors society, so my years of political diatribe have been to a positive end. I also was voted in as the Secretary for the Fairfield chapter of Pi Sigma Alpha, making me a member of the E-board, something that will look fantastic to law schools. Granted, I ran unopposed, but law schools won't know that...

Dr. Orman said something interesting during the induction. He said that along with the great honor of being made a member of this honors society, there also came great responsibility to be a resource of political knowledge. He also pointed out that we all have displayed a passion for the field which will allow for us to all make a difference.

Needless to say, I've been thinking about political issues nonstop since then. One issue that has been at the forefront of my mind lately has been the "War on Terror" and how shortsighted it is. It's not that I don't think it's necessary to track down those responsible for 9/11 and related attacks (although I'm beginning to think that Bush has shifted his focus from Osama, the man responsible, to Hussein, a noted douchebag, but not an immediate threat), it's simply that he is overlooking the domestic terrorism which far predates the terror attacks of September 11, 2001.

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines terrorism as "The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons."

In other words, any group which threatens the liberty of a group of people with violence is a terrorist group. So why do we often overlook the Ku Klux Klan as a terrorist organization? Lynchings and cross burnings are still relatively common in the South, and these certainly pose a threat that tears at the fabric of our modern, democratic society. There still exists approximately 3,000 Klan members (2/3 in former Confederate states and 1/3 in the Midwest).

And what about individuals who bomb abortion clinics? They are certainly dangerous and run a counterintuitive campaign, in that they are so in favor of life that they're willing to kill for it.

How about PETA, or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals? Yes, on the surface it is a noble organization, but they are known for funding eco-terrorist groups such as the Animal Liberation Front and the Earth Liberation Front. Furthermore, Alex Pecheco, co-founder of the organization, has been quoted as saying "Arson, property destruction, burglary, and theft are acceptable crimes when used for the animal cause."

Then what about hate crimes committed against members of the GLBT community, as well as racial and ethnic minorities? Twenty states do not include sexual orientation in their definition of a hate crime and seven do not have any hate crime legislation whatsoever. While no life is more valuable then another, the purpose of hate crime legislation is to dispel discrimination and prejudice and to display that the government has a hard line stance on said discrimination.

On the GLBT front, what about the radical Christian movement ironically titled "Love in Action," which aims to convert members of the GLBT community to a life of heterosexuality? Isn't brainwashing and intimidation against a specific group a sort of terrorism?

What about the Church of Scientology? This cult is a noted pyramid scheme, responsible for the mysterious deaths and dissapearances of countless members who attempted to get out.

You see, a great deal of terrorism exists on American soil. However, the groups who are being terrorized are minority groups - gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered individuals, blacks, Hispanics, Catholics, Jews, women, Muslims - this list goes on and on. The reason why domestic terrorism is not considered a major issue by the current administration is that the terrorism is being perpetrated mostly by white Christian heterosexual men - the dominant group in our society. Furthermore, we consider the other terrorists - the radical Islamics - to be more of a threat because they aren't white. I can guarantee you that more people have died as the result of domestic terrorism than died in the terror attacks of 9/11. Furthermore, more men and women will die in this war that in the terror attacks on that fateful fall day.

Please do not misinterpret this entry as a slam against combatting radical Islamic terrorism, as that is not my point. Rather, I am simply stating that everyone ought to think for a moment about the terrorists on our own soil, and how if President Bush truly wishes to execute an all-encompassing war on terror, he ought to include these groups on the enemies list.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 22:42:49 GMT

"thanks so much to everybody who made my 21st memorable, especially my dinner buddies Erin, Lindsay, Kate, Deck, Colin, Andy, Katie, and Kristine....also, thanks to people who left bday wishes...love you all!!! i will never forget my 21st!!!

ps. this bday was made even better with yet another A in my Comedy class!! best bday ever!!!"

The above is the away message that I put up last night when I got back from celebrating my 21st birthday. It only took about a million tries to make my thoughts coherent, as I drunkenly stumbled in at one o'clock in the morning.

The earlier part of the day was fairly nice. I went to visit an apartment that I was interested in. Amazing place that I really wanted, but they're looking to rent it out right away. Something the woman failed to mention at the time I was visiting, even when I directly asked her. She only told me on the phone today that if we weren't moving in until September, she'd be charging us $1200 for each month we weren't there. Understandable, but when a potential tenant asked you something point blank, you should give her a straight answer. Whatever. It probably wasn't intentional, given that her English was terrible.

When I got back after checking out the apartment, I hung out for a little while before driving to Bassick High in Bridgeport with Eric. We had to judge a high school debate tournament, which was...dull. We only wound up judging one round and I didn't even get to judge - I served as timekeeper instead. After the round, when I attempted to help judge, the older male judge (who is apparently an attorney and the brother in law of Dr. Rose Rodrigues - go figure) was a raging sexist and ignored everything I said, while hanging on to every word that left Eric's mouth. Hey it's okay though, I'm only a varsity debater...

After we left that (and drove back and left again because Eric forgot his backpack in GA), I dropped Eric off at Loyola and went back to Claver for a little bit.

That's when the fun began...

Erin drove down to Kotska/Claver to pick up Kate, Colin, and I. From there, we drove to Southport Brewery where we met up with Deck, Andy, Katie, Kristine, and Lindsay. Dinner was AWESOME!! So much good food and the beer was good too, even though I'm not much of a beer drinker. I just had so much fun goofing off with some awesome people - definitely the best birthday dinner I could have possibly asked for. It was made even better by Erin paying for me (which she really didn't need to do, as I had money on me). Was uber sweet of her, especially given the short amount of time we've known each other.

After dinner, Erin, Kate, and I decided to go to the Grape because that's what you do on your 21st birthday! Such a dive, but still a lot of fun. Kate bought me a drink and then the bartender made me a drink for free as a birthday special. I bought another drink myself. I was so incredibly drunk - the bartender made the drinks sooo strong, but sooo good. Kate, Erin, and I talked forever, just bonding drunkenly and enjoying each other's company.

So yes, best birthday ever - I have amazing friends!!

Worst Week EVER

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 04:46:03 GMT

I love how the fates work so that if I have a truly amazing week, the next one has to be unbelievably suck-tacular...

The debacles of last week included the following:
-personal family stuff
-a midterm that i didn't have time to study for
-5 papers
-getting my car towed in New Haven after being told by Yalies to park in the wrong spot (a ton of other debaters got their cars towed too)
-getting offered crack between rounds at the Yale debate tournament
-potentially having lost a friend over difference of opinion regarding a recent tragedy

and that's just a few of the things that happened...

Had a bit of a nervous breakdown because I let everything pile up, which was a stupid move on my part.

This week is already shaping up to be pretty decent though. Got a 100% on that exam I didn't really prep for. Also got an A on my last honors paper. And was told that I'm going to nationals for debate with some fun people from the team. Plus, my 21st is on Wednesday and I'm looking forward to that. Probably going to the Southport Brewary with some friends to celebrate. Big party at 87 on Friday...

kinda hope it isn't too big. I know it's my 21st but I get twitchy in large groups...

Ah well. That's the update for now...

I LOVE THIS CRUISE!!!

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 00:15:30 GMT

I LOVE THIS CRUISE!!!

That phrase was first shouted by a gleeful Amy and caught on like a flash fire in a national park. It was not only the best spring break ever, but it was also one of the best experiences of my life!

Let me give you a basic rundown on what the cruise itinerary was exactly. On Sunday March 12, we boarded the Norwegian Spirit at the port of New York. We spent Monday at sea, Tuesday at Port Canaveral, Wednesday in Miami, Thursday in Nassau, Friday in Great Stirrup Cay, Saturday at sea, and returned to New York this morning. There are so many thoughts and experiences to be discussed regarding the trip, that the best way to do it is in simple bullets:

-went to the Kennedy Space Center with Mike and James at Port Canaveral. Definitely amazing to stand in a place with so much history
-South Beach in Miami is freaking awesome. That was a great time aside from getting the worst sunburn I've ever had.
-Miami is a great place. So much fun
-became friends with Amy's roommate, Erin, and Erin's friend, Lindsay (a Fairfield alum). Awesome girls
-got closer with my other friends, and definitely reestablished my friendship with Amy especially
-I tried lots of fancy foods, including escargots, filet mignon, lobster, and creme broulee. The escargots freaked me out, but I'm still glad I tried it
-saw the Second City traveling troupe twice. Spectacular
-went "clubbing" ever night
-drank every night
-had my first blue Kamikaze shot. I strongly recommend it
-Nassau was my favorite port. The people, the shops, the beaches - everything was amazing
-the Bahamas are absolutely beautiful. I'm talking white sands and crystal blue and turquoise water, with fish swimming right up to you
-I didn't gamble, but I kinda wish I did
-I considered trying to smuggle Cuban cigars into the country, but was terrified of getting caught
-Bought a liqueur that it only manufactured/sold in the Bahamas.
-got an AMAZING tan
-had great conversations
-there was at least thirty Fairfield kids on the cruise
-most of the people on the cruise appeared to be college aged, which was amazing
-awesome late night talks with Amy, as Mike S drifted in an out of sleep
-Talking about my future. Weird.
-Apparently I'm funny, which is cool. I guess everybody has a thing.
-As a group, we took in excess of 1,000 photos, all of which will be shared between us. I plan on making a scrapbook.
-We made a facebook group called "i love this cruise!" because we're that obsessed haha
-I drank Miller Light a lot, which is actually a pretty decent beer considering how I typically feel about beer.
-I learned yet again not to assume things about people based solely on appearances, as there is always more to a person than what we see on the surface
-We're already discussing having a reunion this weekend, which would be awesome!!!

So yea, it was an amazing trip - one that I'll never forget.

There was a lot of talk during the trip about my 21st. Seems like the plan now is that we'll be throwing a party at 87 the weekend after my bday. We're thinking that we'll invite my real friends first for a little bit and then open it up later and make it bigger. Also, I've been thinking about inviting home friends down for it. It would mean a lot if a few could come down, but I know that the distance can make it tough. Either way, I don't think I'll be coming home on my bday weekend b/c I'm coming home a couple of weeks later and I really need to save money, considering how much I spent on spring break.

Anywho, I should actually get some work done. Love all around, especially to my cruise people!!

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 23:30:49 GMT

I've definitely learned a lesson here - it's hypocritical and immature for me to use gratuitous profanity right after I condemn other people for being hypocritical and immature. Yea, so I shouldn't have written what I did in the manner that I did. I don't regret the intent behind it or dismiss the legitimacy of my anger - I just shouldn't have approached it the way I did. Plus, next time I write an entry like that, I'll be sure to double check that I actually made it private. *smacks self in head*

Although I have to say, it is a bit bizarre that certain people still read this thing. I mean, it's not like I read their blogs for the simple reason that they are no longer a significant part of my life, so I just don't care. I know that anybody can read this thing - it's the risk you take when you have a livejournal/blog/diary-x/xanga, but still. I just think the whole thing is a little too bizarre for my tastes. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while the last entry (which I have deleted) was offensive, there's no reason why certain people should still be reading this. My roommate is obviously fine, but I know that she didn't stumble across the entry on her own.

In essence, if you don't like what I'm writing in here, then don't read it.

Anyway, on a more positive note, Aleah and I have decided to get an apartment off campus for our senior year which will be absolutely amazing! I have a meeting with Gary Stephenson, the director of housing, on Wednesday. Hopefully he'll grant our request because there's no way in hell I'm living in Claver my senior year. I'll bring a lawyer into it if I have to - I just want to get off campus. I don't think it'll go that far given the housing crunch (since admissions is retarded), so here's to a swingin' "shag pad" as Aleah has dubbed it.

It's kinda funny. Living off campus my senior year never crossed my mind until talking to Aleah and Elena. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. Now, I can't wait to leave. With the whole living at home for three years so I can go to law school situation, I think I'll need this experience.

Plus, it'll be fun to decorate the place...God, I'm a girl.

Growing Up Sucks

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 18:28:02 GMT

I know, I know - two updates in one week! What am I thinking?! Last entry was fun, reporting on the happenings of this past weekend.

Time for the requisite "Lauren freak out" entry.

I feel lost. I know that I've been writing about that a lot lately, but it's been mostly in terms of law school stress. I met with Dr Katz about law school and found out that I'm in way better shape than I thought I was - that I should seriously consider BC and BU as well as some Ivy League schools (for whatever reason, he thinks that I'll score highly on my LSAT especially with the course I'm taking this summer). If I keep up with everything and carry my ethic into law school, I'll wind up working at a major firm. I felt great for a little while, as he managed to quell some of my fears. I mean, he pretty much told me that all of my little capitalist dreams will come to pass - that if I do everything right, I'll start out with $150,000 per year.

Then why am I not happier?

One thing I've learned in life is that you can't have it all. I've never been socially/personally "successful" at the same time I've been academically/professionally established. For the past couple of years, my personal life has taken a backseat to my professional aspirations. When I fucked up with one friend group and established another, I sort of pulled away. I haven't been that invested in my relationships since. I made my career everything. I'm starting to question myself. How much have I personally sacrificed for professional success?

I wonder if my aspirations are what I truly want. Am I really meant to be a corporate attorney? Am I doing it just for the money? I love to debate and I've gotten really good at it, but corporate attorneys do not spend a whole lot of time in a courtroom.

I'm in the midst of figuring out who I am and it's terrifying. I feel like I'm doing all of this blind. I know that it's good that I'm growing up, but that doesn't make it any less scary. I still have a lot of soul searching left to do though. I think that's why I'm looking forward so much to the summer. I want to spend most of it working on me. I want to write for myself again - it's something that I've thrown to the wayside this year due to my courseload (damn 6 classes).

I have so much more growing up to do. I'm not an adult yet.

This Weekend...Whoa...

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 17:59:10 GMT

I think the subject heading pretty much sums up what this past weekend was like - absolutely insane!

It started on Saturday afternoon, when Mikey and I started our "road trip" up to Reading, Massachusetts. We talked about absolutely everything, listened to awesome music, and shouted at idiot drivers on the highway, despite the fact that they couldn't hear us. It went by so insanely fast - definitely didn't feel like two and a half hours. When we got off 95, we headed for the Woburn mall so that I could pick up some sprite to mix with our Hpnotic. We finally got to my house at five, where we ate an awesome (and huge) dinner, courtesy of my father. It was definitely a step or seven up from Barone - turkey, sweet potatoes, green beans, and freshly baked bread. My family missed me and adored Mike, so we talked for a really long time over dinner. The fam was on their best behavior, so it was thoroughly enjoyable. After dinner, Mike and I got changed for the party - him in a sexy (and tight!) black dress shirt with a nice pair of jeans, and me in my sister's boots, hot jeans from the Banana and a black spaghetti strap shirt with hot beading on the straps/chest.

When we finally arrived at Dave's, I introduced Mike to the friends who were there already and then proceeded to head to the kitchen to mix the drinks. Mike and I made our classy nalgene bottles full of sprite and hpnotic and I made the vodka tropical punch, which was fantastic! Soon people started to arrive. Dave bought a couple of cakes - one for Stef and one for me - which was incredibly sweet. He really didn't need to do that and it meant a lot (God, I'm such a girl).

The rest of the night was ABSOLUTELY INSANE!! In addition to shots, I drank two Nalgene bottles full of booze and "watched a video." Also managed to a little more than make out with a gay black man, which was interesting to say the least. In the words of Mike, "only you would go to a party like this and hook up." While I wouldn't consider it hooking up, still notable. Anyway, I met lots of people and saw people whom I hadn't seen since graduation, which was really awesome. Bonded with my friends even more, which was necessary and amazing.

Awesome time. Mike loved my friends and they loved him, and I love my friends so it's just a big "LOVE FEST." We're already making plans for my bday weekend, as I'm fairly certain that I'm coming home to go out to a bar in Boston with my friends and to celebrate with my family. May be bringing up FU people again, so yea, that should be awesome.

Thanks to everyone who made my month early 21st bday extravaganza amazing! I had a blast and love you all a lot!

sometimes life gives me a happy tickle

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 15:40:34 GMT

I spent all of last night doing ridiculous amounts of reading that I need to get out of the way before this weekend's extravaganza. I can't believe that only three days of class stand between me and an amazing freaking party with some awesome freaking friends. I've been excited about this for a month, so I'm thrilled that it's just a few days away. Even getting up there is going to be fun. Mikey B and I love our road trips, even when they're just three hours long.

Speaking of road trips, I watched "Elizabethtown" with Mike, Kristine, and Andy. We've decided that post graduation, we are going on a cross country road trip. From here all the way out to San Francisco and back again. My one request was that we go to Graceland - haha.

Anyway, this past weekend was a long one so Kim and Rachelle came down. It was a good time. Friday night was chill, with a game of Trivial Pursuit (which got WAY too intense) and some Chinese food for dinner. Played a little bit of Kings and just hung out with some awesome people. On Saturday, Kim, Rachelle, Mike, and I went into the city. We went to the Met and did a little bit of shopping at Toys R Us and the Virgin Megastore. I made a couple of purchases - "American Beauty" and "My Fair Lady" (don't judge me. I just like musicals, okay?). Also, we ate dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp, a restaurant in Times Square based off of "Forrest Gump." Freaking awesome food at a restaurant based on one of my favorite movies of all time. So yes, good times had by all.

In personal news, I'm into a new guy. For the first time in a while, I'm finally into somebody with whom I have a lot in common. Unsure as to whether I'm going to act on it or not though, given that my friend likes him. But he's not into her, so I guess it might make it acceptable. I guess we'll wait and see. I don't like to be the asshole, but I back down EVERY FREAKING TIME and it's gotten old. I'll keep you all posted on whether or not I decide to be selfish.

Later, lovelies.

Life as of Late

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 18:21:05 GMT

I haven't updated this thing in a while and my last entry was kind of angsty, so I should probably write something in here.

This past weekend was unusual, to say the least. Despite the mountains of work that needed to get done, I went to the Bryn Mawr debate tournament. It was a pretty good time, but not as fun in terms of craziness as the MIT tournament. We figured that it would be a really small tournament and we'd have the opportunity to break, but unfortunately a bunch of other schools had the same idea. I personally debated really well, but the fact that I was partnered with a novice again killed any chance of winning a significant amount of rounds. The girl's nice and I'm more than willing to help her out, but I really need to be partnered with a more seasoned debater. I had gotten so used to being partnered with fellow varsity debaters that I'm finding it particularly difficult to deal with not winning.

Anyway, the housing was great and the tournament ran more on time than usual (and would have been even better had Cornell actually decided to contact the tournament director to let her know they weren't going to be in attendance). For the most part, we all had fun, aside from some politically motivated bickering. I got into a huge argument with the guys about feminism and gay marriage, both of which they know little to nothing about. So frustrating. It's impossible to debate an argument that isn't rational.

When I got back from the tournament, I called Mike and he and Katie drove over to pick me up shortly after. We ran to the grocery store and then came back to eat food and do homework. Then we watched "The Big Chill" at midnight, which was nice. Unfortunately, we didn't anticipate that the blizzard would hit until later, as it still hadn't hit at that point. Needless to say, I wound up getting snowed in at TH 87 until Sunday. We wound up having a lot of fun making a big family breakfast and having a homework party. I left after "Grey's Anatomy," which is my new addiction. Fantastic show - I strongly suggest that you all see it.

What's coming up? Other than a paper or two, Kim and Rachelle are coming down on Friday afternoon and staying until Sunday morning (I think). We're going to have a game/movie/chinese food night with a few of my friends on Friday and maybe do some shopping at the mall on Saturday. It should be fun, although I feel bad about having them crash on my floor when my roomie's work schedule sucks. It figures that this is the one weekend that she really can't stay at Fusco's, for her sake. Oh well. I'll keep the girls out of the room for the most part, as we'll probably be at 87 most of the time.

Next weekend is Dave's party that he's throwing for me, which is awesome! Mikey B and possibly Mike Willis will be joining me on an "excellent Massachusetts adventure." We were originally going to leave at around eleven in the morning on Saturday, but Mike has a practice GRE he needs to take, so we're going to leave right after. It should be a blast. My parents are cooking for us before the party, which is nice of them (plus they're going to do my laundry, which is spectacular!). Looking forward to giving Mike a brief tour of my hometown and to show him what a dump RMHS is. The party itself starts at seven, but we're probably going to go slightly before just so that Mike can meet my friends outside of the context of the crazy festivities. Apparently there's going to be tons of booze and smoking, so I'm definitely looking forward to it. Mike and I are probably going to make some jello shots and bring those, since we can just get a big handle of cheap vodka and use that. But yes, totally PSYCHED about the party!

Well, that's all for now. Leave me some love.

Oh School

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 21:31:06 GMT

I just finished writing my honors paper. I really cannot believe how much work this class is. I seriously have one paper per week in this class in addition to the three hundred pages of reading. Ugh. That's not even counting the two other classes that I have to write a paper per week in, one of which isn't even for a regular grade - just a zero, a check minus, a check, or a check plus. That seems a little ridiculous to me, because if a paper has to be three to five pages, it certainly merits an actual grade. The other two papers per week are your run of the mill grades, however, which is pretty stressful. So in review, each week I have at least three papers and one thousand pages worth of reading. Seriously, taking these six classes was a terrible idea. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

No, take that back. I know exactly what I was thinking - "Maybe if I take on a ridiculous course load and keep my grades up I'll look even better for law school!" Seriously, I feel like everything I'm doing at this school is to get me into law school. Law school is all I think about now. I wake up - law school. I go to class - "better keep these grades up for law school." I do homework - "this workload isn't any worse than law school." I go to debate - "I can't wait to get paid for arguing...I just have to get into law school." I think about summer vacation - "I need a good internship so I can get into law school." I get into two honors societies and am applying for another - "this will look fantastic on my resume to get me into law school."

LAW SCHOOL, LAW SCHOOL, LAW SCHOOL!!!!!!!!

I'm at this point in my life/academic career where I've become bitter. Whenever I hear somebody complaining about how hard their FOUR classes are, I have this overwhelming desire to walk over and punch them in the back of the head. Four classes are for pussies who aren't going to law school. And then I get pissed off when I hear these people in my classes who I know are dumb as shit talking about their law school aspirations, how their daddy is a lawyer, and their daddy's daddy was a lawyer and so on and so forth. All I can think when I hear that is "You do not deserve to get in, but will anyway because of who your rich, Republican daddy knows." I shouldn't feel bitter because all it does is pull you down, but it just makes me so angry. Here I am, busting my ass, and these little pricks with 2.0s are guaranteed an in.

What makes matters worse is that I'll be the first attorney in the family. THE FIRST FREAKING ATTORNEY. It's doubtful that anybody else will - my cousins, brother, and sister are too smart to put themselves through this bullshit. I have absolutely no idea if I'm doing things right - if I'm taking the right classes, talking to the right people, getting the right grades, working the right internships, majoring in the right things... And then there's the pressure. If I fuck up, I won't be the first attorney in my family - I'll be the first failed potential attorney, the one who just couldn't cut it.

I can't get away from my high school reputation in my family. My mother insists on telling everyone about how I was this big fuck up in high school, that I was a terrible student with no drive and no future and how I magically turned my life around when I went to college. I just want to point out that I graduated from high school with a 3.55 after not cracking a book for four years. No lie - I did not read a single book or study for a single test all throughout high school. However, in my mother's head, I still failed. I didn't graduate at the top of my class, so I was a huge failure. Okay, let's completely ignore the fact that my GPA was higher than over EIGHTY PERCENT of my class. Yea, let's completely ignore that.

As a result of this bullshit "high school Lauren" image, I am perpetually on the defense. It doesn't matter that I'm a different person. Even my grandparents assume that my grades are poor here at Fairfield, just because I don't go bragging. Perfect example, my grandmother asked me how my semester went and I told her that I did pretty well, which she interpreted to mean "Lauren is covering her ass - I should say something to comfort her in her failings" and proceeded to tell me that it's okay and that grades don't mean everything - I'll do better next time. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my Nana and Papa, and the rest of my family as well. They're great people who legitimately mean well - it's just frustrating that I can't breakaway from it all.

And I'm really sick of the "who cares what your family thinks of you as long as you know that you're smart" line. Yes, I know I'm a good student and that if all is fair in the world, I will get into law school and live a happy and successful life. It's just that I hate feeling like I have to constantly fight these misconceptions about me. I hate how nobody seems to think that I'm going to make it in this world. Yes, if all goes according to plan I can shock my entire family and few nay-saying friends.

Until then, however, I feel like I'm living in limbo - like I'm fighting alone in the dark for something that may or may not come to pass.

I'm doing better than I was before, but all of this law school stress is just further proof that I don't think I'm ever going to be enough. I'm never going to be attractive enough, or funny enough, or smart enough, or rich enough. I'm going to spend my entire life chasing an ideal that doesn't exist. When examined logically, it is completely ridiculous. I know that ultimately, most people somehow find away to live in this world. Not everything will ever be completely perfect, but it will certainly be palatable.

I guess my biggest frustration is waiting for my life to start. Everything I'm doing right now is to get into law school. I want to be a lawyer more than anything and that's what I've been working for. I'm somewhat brainwashed by that American Dream mentality - that if I try hard enough, I can get that big house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a BMW parked out front. I'm just afraid. Afraid that if/when I get there, when I graduate from law school and get that job at a major law firm in Boston, will I truly be happy? Is the life I'm working for the life that will make me happiest? What happens after I make all the money? Will I find somebody and settle down in that big suburban house with a white picket fence? Will he park his matching BMW right next to mine? Or maybe he won't drive a BMW - maybe he'll drive a sensible Honda Hybrid in an effort to save the environment on his way into work, where he helps orphan children from the wilds of Africa find homes in America, maybe with a nice couple with a big house in the suburbs with a white picket fence...

I look around at my friends and I feel like they have it so together. My friends all seem to be doing exactly what they want to do, despite any financial worries. I look at Dave who is mastering his love of photography and other art at the SMFA, or Ally who is immersing herself in the theater at Salem State, or Stef who has these amazing dreams involving opening her own animal grooming business...the list goes on and on. I know that I want to be a lawyer, I just feel like I'm the materialistic jerk by comparison. I mean, I never say I'm going to be a lawyer - I'm going to be a "rich lawyer." Does it make me a bad person to have dreams that are so status-quo, so normal, so...run of the mill? What about when I wanted to be a writer? I love writing, but I removed it from my option list because I wanted to make money. "I'll write part-time for fun." That's what I tell myself, but the fact remains that I still removed an option because it wasn't practical.

This was a long freaking entry on my fears about the future. I originally intended to write some fun stuff, but this will have to do for today. If you read it, thanks. If not, I really don't blame you.

let me hear from you

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 17:19:41 GMT

Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously.

A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... anything. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like.

Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say.

The Semester of Lauren

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 00:55:04 GMT

Wow. If I had to use one word to describe things of late, that's the one I'd use. Just wow.

Last night Katie, Mike, and I had our evening of fun. We wound up being joined by Andy, Sean, and Popham. It was spectacular! We made baked ziti with chicken and had brownies for dessert! We also made drinks which Mike dubbed "Disney World" because if Disney World had a flavor, that would be it. We watched a couple of movies "Aladdin" and "As Good as it Gets" - both awesome. Katie, Mike, and I talked for a while afterwards - we're truly starting to bond and it's awesome.

I spent today writing my honors paper. Oh! And I got a letter in the mail from the english department notifying me that I'm being inducted into Sigma Tau Delta which is amazing! Yet another honor society to throw on my resume to get me into law school!

I wanted to write a lot more when I started this entry, but I'm bored.

Musings

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 04:01:38 GMT

Not too much has been going on with me since I last updated. Hung out with Mikey B a few times, and on Friday night we went to see "Walk the Line" and went bowling with a few others. His 21st birthday party was on Saturday night. It was...okay. I arrived a bit late, so everyone was drunk by the time I got there and I didn't really feel like drinking. I learned that it sucks being the sober one at a big drunken party.

I spent today working on my first paper for my honors seminar on China...ugh. It probably sucks, but I don't really care because he only counts the seven highest grades out of the nine assigned papers.

Overall, I'm doing pretty well. The only thing that sucks is that I'm finally coming to grips with a lot of stuff which hasn't been all that much fun to deal with. Only three friends know about it, and two of them are abroad. I guess that's one of the big reasons why Mike and I have been reconnecting so much lately - we're both going through some stuff and we can relate really well to each other.

I feel like this year has been really intense in terms of figuring myself out. It's been difficult, but I know that I'll come out of it okay...

I hope.

the other side of the door

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 01:58:44 GMT

Well, I'm back at FU after a pretty restful/fun spring break. Last night was a lot of fun. After unpacking, I went up to townhouse 87 to hang out with Mikey. On the way up I got a phone call from Amy saying that she had just passed me, but wanted to call and say hi/tell me that she wasn't blowing me off - she simply didn't have room in her car for me (although since I didn't see her, I obviously didn't think that). She wound up driving by me again and I saw her yet again at 87 later that night.

I wound up running out to La Salsa (the Connecticut version of Baja Fresh) with the two Mikes. We couldn't eat there unfortunately because it was packed - not a table in the house. So we took our overpriced Mexican food with us back to the townhouse where we chatted for a while before Mikey and I planted ourselves on the couch to watch the Golden Globe preshow special to kill time before the actual show. Overall, the globes were excellent this year, as everyone who deserved it got recognized. Even the acceptance speeches were spectacular. Plus, it was nice to kick back with Mike for a while because we didn't really hang out all that much last semester due to the drama.

It didn't hit me til I got back at around midnight that my two favorite girls weren't here. I went to take a shower and there was silence on the other side of the door - I'm so used to hearing laughter and general scurrying about. Last semester it was so comforting to hear their voices and know they were there, even if for whatever reason we didn't hang out that day. I mean, it's not that I'm depressed about them not being here. Sure, I miss them, but I'm also incredibly happy that they get to experience such great things. This semester won't be bad - just different. It's just going to take some time for me to get used to how they're not here. Granted, it would probably be easier if I were abroad as well because then I wouldn't be reminded of their absense every time I set foot into the bathroom.

On a positive note, I can honestly say that living with them last semester was one of the best experiences of my Fairfield career. I got to know them both really well and just have so many great memories of those four months...

I feel like I talk about them way too much in here, so now for something completely different -

spring break in less than two months!

the break goes on

Sat, 07 Jan 2006 23:22:28 GMT

Damn, it's been a while since I updated/looked at this thing. From the looks of my friends page, a lot has been going on in everyone's lives. Not too much has been going on in mine.

Had the dinner party on December 27 and it went fairly well. Lots of wine and lots of food. Totally successful, aside from the fact that a few people who were supposed to originally come wound up cancelling at the last minute. Also kinda sucked that I didn't invite the group since the person with whom there could have been drama didn't wind up coming, so I could have invited them after all. Oh well.

Aleah and Elena are both off in Europe now. If they're reading this (which I doubt, since they're in freaking Europe), I wish you guys the best of luck and hope you have a lot of fun!

I bought a new camera! I used my $100 gift card towards it, which was nice. It'll be great to have a reliable camera for spring break, Disney World, parties, etc.

What else is new? I spent yesterday with Jerry in Boston. Per usual, we walked all over without any real destination in mind. Awesomeness. Also got to meet the famous Gareth at his place in Stoneham (next town over!). Good times. Absolutely loved him, and the feeling was mutual - now he wants me to come back for his birthday ripper in February. Depending on my course load/debate tournament schedule, I'll try and make it.

Today I'm hanging out with the group in Somerville. Definitely excited, as I haven't seen them in a while.

First Few Days of Holiday Break

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 04:47:06 GMT

I've been home since Wednesday afternoon and it's been absolutely wonderful!

As far as my grades go, four out of six have been posted:

Chaucer: A-
Politics of Mass Popular Culture: A
Honors Seminar - Culture and Cognition: A-
Creative Writing Poetry I: A-

Still waiting on Mass Media and Polics and Utopian Politics. I think that I did fairly well in both, but let's keep our fingers crossed and knock on wood.

So what have I been up to for the past few days? I spent Wednesday afternoon/evening doing absolutely nothing which was absolutely wonderful! Thursday evening I drove to the apartment in Somerville to hang out with Dave, Dez, Carly, Crissy, Stef, and Jonnie for a while, which was great. We went to Porter Square for dinner and then just hung out for a while longer. Before dinner, Dave made us a couple of drinks, which was uber nice. Just great catching up with him. I spent Friday afternoon with my mom, as she took me out to lunch and we went to visit my godmother, who just had knee surgery. Yesterday (Saturday) was Christmas Eve, so the whole family was over at Nana and Papa's for the typical Christmas Eve mayhem. Drank a little wine, ate a little food, talked a little crazy with my aunt Nancy haha.

Today was Christmas, so pretty much just lounged around. Got some good gifts, including a $100 gift card which will be put towards that "Sex and the City" DVD set. Good times. Also got the second season of Punky Brewster, which is just way too funny for words. All in all, it was a good day. The only thing that got me down is that a lot of times, Carrie and I would spend Christmas night hanging out, but since she's out west, that obviously isn't happening. So big tear on that one.

What's coming up? Lots of random stuff to do tomorrow, including challenging a parking ticket (for $40! total rip off!), taking the laptop to be fixed AGAIN, getting my oil changed, getting my car inspected, making some phone calls, paying the holiday bills, etc. Anything fun? Hella yea! "Brokeback Mountain" with Dez, Dave, and Ben! I was originally supposed to see it with Aleah/Jerry, but I don't see that happening.

What else is coming up? Tuesday is my dinner party. Didn't really invite a whole lot of people, as it was originally supposed to be for Fairfield people. The suckiness is that pretty much everyone backed out on me at the last minute, which is irritating as hell given that I gave everyone a lot of notice. I'm not going to get uber upset about it though - the holiday season is a tough time to plan anything major, as everyone is all over the place. It'll still be cool though.

It has the potential to stir up drama, but I already talked to Dave, so he knows that my not inviting him or the Group isn't a "Lauren doesn't want you around" thing, because if I had it my way, everyone would be there. It's more of a "things are really dicey between the group and someone who is coming and inviting the group would cause a lot of trouble that I'm not prepared to deal with" thing. All this really means is that I suppose I'll have to have another dinner party for the Group (see?! I'm being perfectly fair!)

Anyway, I hope everyone is having an equally awesome break thus far, and I wish you all the merriest of christmases!

thoughts

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 02:06:50 GMT

First things first -

Name 5 of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick 5 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used. Tag 5 people on your list.

1. Hugs
2. Driving aimlessly, listening to my favorite tunes
3. meaningful conversations
4. Diet Coke
5. Lying on the grass in a park during springtime, and just watching the clouds pass me by

Okay. Now who to tag...

1. Jerry
2. Becky
3. Laura
4. Mike
5. James

Okay, now that that's done with I'll ramble a little more. I just spent all day doing crappy stuff. I started it by helping Elena move out. Not gonna lie - I seriously thought I was going to cry a little bit. Almost cried last night after spending time with my faves. I guess it's finally hitting me that they're leaving and I won't see them for several months. I don't think it would bother me as much if we were in the same place that we were last spring, but I've just gotten so tight with them that it hurts. I know that it's really lame and dorky that it bugs me so much, but things changed a lot this semester. I finally came to grips with a lot of stuff and they were a huge part of that. I've come to realize that my relationship with those two is more mature and rewarding than a lot of my other relationships.

Seriously, how could I have been so blind as to have thought that what I had before was real? I've finally truly discovered them. They're so there for me and I just care so much about them, which is something that I don't really feel for a whole lot of people. It's like there's this weight in my chest.

I guess that's what happens when you really bond with someone. So yea, long story short - I love them a lot and next semester is going to be really hard.

So after I helped Elena move most of her stuff out (today wasn't goodbye - tomorrow is), I went back to my room and that's where I've been all day. I just finished a twelve page honors paper and now I guess that I should start my utopian politics paper and edit the Chaucer.

i love you two :(

boy is this quiz accurate

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 05:25:05 GMT

Damn fucking straight:

Your 2005 Song Is

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

"It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"

Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?